Oneness in marriage happens the same way as becoming one with God. Let's look at the steps at becoming one with God and draw parallels to oneness in marriage.
The Great Mystery
Ephesians 5:31-32 says "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church"
people talk about being "one-flesh" they are often referring to the
honeymoon when they can finally have sex. But is there anything
mysterious about a man and woman having sex? That's pretty instinctual
isn't it? Nothing profound there. Oneness in marriage must happen
through more than just sexual intercourse.
real mystery is how sinful human beings can become one with a Holy God.
It is illustrated by two people coming together form different
backgrounds and personalities to become one. Lessons of self-denial,
love, perseverance and patience are best learned in a marriage
relationship. This is the real crux of oneness in marriage.
The very same lessons for a man and woman to become one with each other are the same lessons we need to become one with God.
Let's look at this again in another context.
Ephesians 5:24 says, "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." So just as the church submits to Jesus, wives should submit to their husband. Again we see Scripture referring to the marriage relationship as a mirror of our relationship to Christ.
As a side note: the word "submit" does not mean to surrender your mind to another person's control. It means to "place in proper order." In her relationship to her husband the husband represents the role of the church in their relationship to Christ.
What is the role of the church in the relationship to Christ? Is it blind obedience? No, it’s not blind and unquestioning. Does the church exist solely to do the bidding of Christ? To be his little slaves wherever he sends us? No, we exist for fellowship and relationship.
We are invited to reason together (Isaiah 1:18) we are invited to understand his will (Eph 5:17) and enter into his thoughts
and ways (Pr 23:26), so we become a
team effort not just a slave. Oneness in marriage does NOT come through surrendering your identity or personality.
All of this begs the question, what makes Christ the head of the church?
Is it because He gave his
life for it? So if I lay down my life for you will I be your head? Negative.
Is it because God
made him the head? If I were made the president of the united states would
people automatically respect me and follow me? Um...no.
It’s because we choose to put him in that position. We say to God “There is no one else that has loved me like you. I want you to be my master, I’ve been my master long enough.”
He could create us, die for us, but if the whole world rejected him would He be the head of them? No he would only be the head of the angels.
Men, what will make you the head of your wife?
It is her choice to place you there as she says, “No one has ever cared for me like you, I want you to be in charge.” (Jer 31:3 – with loving kindness have I drawn thee”)
How did Christ love the church?
He gave himself up for her. This is the standard for how men ought to love their wives.
Most often we all have a “list” of how we want the other to treat us and what characteristics we want them to have: If you plan on being a pastor, your list might look something like this: I need a piano player, able to cook good food, willing to give up herself to follow me, able to teach in the children's department...
Instead men should think:
“Lord, I have found this marvelous creature of your hands. I’m really struck with her. Could I be the tool in your hands to make her all the woman that you have designed her to be? To give up myself, my plans, my goals, and make it my number one priority to be able to present her to you a radiant bride, without spot or wrinkle or any blemish?
Can I have that privilege Lord?”
The first way to love is to give yourself up. You read in 2 Samuel 22:26 “Thy gentleness hath made me great.” In the NIV it says, “You stooped down to make me great”. Philippians 2:5-6 reminds us that your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus…become a servant.
Men, do not consider your position as something to be held on to, but make yourself nothing, taking on the nature of a servant to your wife. Be obedient to God’s command to love her and give yourself for her.
But, what was the purpose of Christ in giving himself up? To pamper, spoil?
No. It was to make her holy. You should give up yourself not to satisfy every little whim but serve to make her holy. Sometimes that means God says no to what you think you really need. Sometimes it’s not easy, but He does it for your best good.
How does He do this?
Through the "washing of water through the Word" (Eph 5:26). The standard of holiness is the demands of the word of God, not the demands of self. If you're going to make your wife holy you need to do it on the basis of the Word, not on what you think. Study the Book so you know what holiness is all about. Men should take the lead spiritually.
Through marriage we learn about our relationship with God
and through our relationship with God
we learn about our design for marriage.
the wife’s submission to the husband’s leadership, the husband gains insight on
how he ought to trust Christ and submit to His leadership. As the husband seeks
to make his wife holy, the wife gains insight into the depths of God’s love for
her. These are the ingredients for oneness in marriage.
As each understand and fulfill their role, they gain deeper insights on what it means to be one with God. This is a little heaven on earth! If someone wanted to know what Heaven is like they could be directed to your home.
If the devil can ruin the home, he can ruin society making it worse with each passing generation. Isaiah 59:19 says "When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."
Do you know what that standard is?
It’s the standard of godly homes. And it begins with godly marriages.
Do you want your family to be one that God can use to be a standard against the flood that the devil is pouring on society?
May God help us as husbands and wives to build godly families.
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