Does He Like Me?
How to decode mixed signals

Does he like me? The question can plague you for months. You may go back and forth feeling like you should shrug off your intuition, “I’m just reading too much into things” and being certain that he’s giving you the “interested” vibes.

You don’t want to do the initiating but you’re tired of these mind games. If he IS interested (which you think he is) why isn’t he moving forward? If he’s NOT interested, why is he playing with your emotions? Either move forward or back off Buddy!

You feel like your heart is getting kicked around either way. You just want closure.

How do you know what to do?

  • Do you resort to the junior high method of sending an undercover messenger to inquire for you?

  • Do you flat out ask where you and he stands and risk making the friendship awkward?

  • Do you just wait and believe that only time will tell? 

  • Do you give up hope and move on?

The back and forth yo-yo can be excruciatingly confusing. “Does he like me?” is the theme of all your journal entries.

You need sound judgment and discernment here. When it comes to judging others, there are five areas that tell us who a person is, but only three of the five we have permission to judge.

1.       Words

2.       Actions                 We can judge

3.       Attitudes

4.       Motives               Only God can judge

5.       Thoughts

Only God has the freedom to judge the last two, the motives and thoughts. In Hebrews it says God is "a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). This is why you feel offended when someone in class “judges” you. They are taking something you’ve said or done and assigned a motive to it that isn’t true.  For example, “Did you see how she was trying to answer all the questions in class? She just wants to be teacher’s pet.” When in reality, you just like being involved.

So, how do we apply this to the million dollar question, “does he like me?”  Let’s go through the first three categories and see if his words, actions or attitudes point to “Yes” or “No.”

It could be that he's just being nice and you've assigned motives or interpreted his thoughts to something that suits your fantasy.

 “Does he like me?”


  1. He asks for a follow up date before the date is over
  2. He always uses your name when he talks to you.
  3. He notices and remembers things about you that most people don’t. (You did your hair differently, you have a different perfume or lotion on, you’re wearing something new).
  4. He calls you on the phone just to chat. (Most guys hate talking on the phone.)
  5. He texts, sends instant messages or emails to you on a regular basis about trivial things
  6. He hangs on your every word.
  7. His friends know who you are
  8. He asks you what you think of certain guys or asks what kind of guy you are attracted to. (He is trying to figure out if you would go for him)  
  9. He tells you where he is. If he tells you he's on his way to the gym, he's headed to the cafeteria, or he's still stuck at work, it means a lot.
  10. There is substance to your conversations.
  11. He is very complimentary
  12. He's told you things his friends and family don't even know.

Does he like me? Sometimes actions speak louder than words

  1. He wants to spend more time with you even if that means doing something that doesn’t usually interest him just so he can be with you
  2. He arranges his schedule so he can be with you, even cancelling a previous commitment. 
  3. He gives subtle touches – A hand on your arm, a pat on your back, a grab on your shoulders, brushing hair out of your face.
  4. He teases you
  5. He gives you play punches
  6. He does favors for you – carries your bag to class, fixes your computer, helps you study for a final, etc.
  7. He buys you gifts, particularly out of the blue.
  8. He sees you on consecutive days, especially showing up unexpectedly - If you had a conversation and told him you were out with friends and out of the blue he appears at the same location, this is a big signal he wants to see you. Or he pops by your house unannounced only wanting to chat.
  9. He pays for you when you hang out.

Does he like me? The answer may be less in the what, and more in the how.

  1. He is anxious to celebrate special occasions with you (Valentine’s Day, birthdays, etc.)
  2. The guy is normally cool, but it seems like every time he's around you, he fumbles around and stutters a lot. If he can barely look you in the eye when he speaks, he likes you.

To answer the "does he like me" question, tally how often your friend has shown these interested signals in the last month. If he scores more than 10, he likes you. Less than 10 and he’s probably just  a good friend.

Mixed Signals

So if the answer to the "does he like me" question was affirmative and your suspicions were confirmed, you may be wondering why sometimes he doesn’t return your call or text or why he sometimes seems really distant and cold.

What the world calls sending “mixed signals,” the Bible calls “double-mindedness”.

“For he that wavereth (doubts) is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed….A double minded man is unstable in all his ways “ (James 1:6, 8).

Does that describe your friend?

  • One weekend he seems to be really into you and a couple of days later he’s distant and rude?

  • Does he usually want to hang out but recently he’s giving you lame excuses or flaking on you last minute?

  • Sometimes he locks eyes with you but now he avoids eye contact?

As James 1:6, 8 points out, he may be experiencing some significant doubts.

Does he like you? Yes. Does he want to make a commitment just yet? Probably not.

There is likely a conflict between his heart and his head (feelings and logic). He is probably just as confused as you.

Here are some potential reservations:

  1. He wants to move forward but doesn’t know if it’s the right time
    - He may have convictions to finish school first
    - He may feel the need to be financially able to provide for a family before committing to a relationship
    - He wants to be more mature/ have more life experience or overcome some particular sin before feeling adequate enough for you.
    - He knows he’s too young to get into a serious relationship.
    - He may need to focus on other time sensitive projects that he should not get distracted with by having a relationship.
  2. He doesn’t know if you’re interested and he’s afraid or rejection.
  3. He’s never been through this before and doesn’t know how to move forward.  He’s nervous.
  4. He may be struggling spiritually with the question of whether or not this is God’s will. He doesn’t have peace about it.
  5. He may be attracted to someone else at the same time and doesn’t know who he should pursue.
  6. He may like a lot of things about you but not everything. Needs more time to get to know you
  7. He really likes the attention he receives from you (friendship/intimacy) but doesn’t want to make a commitment.
  8. He may just be playing along because he’s too afraid to turn you down.

Whatever the reason, you deserve someone who IS ready. Remember, the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. See "Gods Timing"

“To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the sight of a holy God.” (Adventist Home, 57)

Although you may like him a lot, if he isn’t ready for a commitment, don’t let him trample your heart. Wise King Solomon says, "Keep thy heart with all diligence" (Proverbs 4:23).

Pull back and show him that you respect yourself and him enough to not play around with his or your affections. Trust God to make him (or someone else) pursue you at the right time. Des he like me? A better question to ask is "Is he ready for a commitment?"

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Joy Eggerich shares her two cents on how to respond when you think someone is leading you on.

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