Dealing with loneliness when you're single
can become a blessing
Do you feel like you’re constantly dealing with loneliness?
Your best friends are planning their weddings, family and people at church are trying to play match-maker and your own brain won’t stop nagging you that maybe there’s something wrong with you because you haven’t found someone.
Or maybe you’ve recently broken up or went through a devastating divorce. Envy, self pity and loneliness like to pitch their camp right on your bed.
Is loneliness wrong?
Absolutely not! Many godly Bible characters felt lonely. You’re in
company with Bible celebrities like Jesus, Moses, Elijah and Paul!
desires are a good and perfect gift from God – totally natural. BUT -
They must be restrained, controlled, corrected, and even crucified that
they might be reborn in power and purity for God. It’s what you do with
it that counts!
What should I do when I feel lonely?
- Be still and know that He is God
46:10) – Get to know God! Don’t waste your singleness. “Wherever you
are, be all there.” And “Live to the hilt every situation you believe to
be the will of God.”
an example: Mark and Holly break up. Mark begins putting his profile
onto dating websites, writing melancholy songs, stops having devotions,
sleeps longer and eats less. He nurses his sadness and feeds his self
pity to deal with loneliness. Holly uses her extra time reading her
Bible, practicing her guitar, doing homework and making new friends.
She exercises her will to cultivate a closer walk with God and be a
blessing to others.
Psalm 73:25 your motto “Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is
none upon the earth that I desire beside thee.” Learn how to let God be
your most intimate friend.
- Give thanks
it dishonest to thank God when you don’t really feel like it? Is it
lying to Him when you say, “I’ll do your will” when your heart tells you
that you really want something else?” NO.
called “obedience” and it’s a response of love toward God. Love is an
action or principle, not a feeling. Is it hypocrisy to go to work when
you don’t feel like it? No, it’s called being responsible!
you are dealing with loneliness remember 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In
everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus
concerning you.” See also 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
- Refuse self-pity
with loneliness can become a tremendous catalyst for identifying with
Christ and meditating on what He went through for you. "I have trodden
the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me. (Isa.
Let the memory of what Christ has endured for you silence
every murmuring thought. We are treated better than our Lord. "Seekest
thou great things for thyself? seek them not." Jeremiah 45:5. The Lord
has no place in His work for those who have a greater desire to win the
crown than to bear the cross.
has already carried your griefs and sorrows (Isaiah 53:4) so don’t
carry them in vain. Meditate on Psalm 16:8, 11 “I have set the Lord
always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be
moved….in Your presence is fullness of joy.”
- Offer up your loneliness to God
the little boy offered Jesus his 5 loaves and 2 fishes, God can
transform your loneliness for the good of others (Matt 14:19-20).
dealing with loneliness many would like to claim Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight
thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine
heart. Commit your way unto the Lord; trust also in Him and he shall
bring it to pass”
question is what is “it”? Many of us would like it to mean “marriage”
but in doing this we must accept whatever God’s will is for us, even if
it means a lifetime of singleness. The thing particularly referred to
here, as appears from the next verse, is reputation or character. “he
shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light”. When you commit your
way to the Lord and trust in him, delighting yourself in Him, he will
secure a happy result for you.
- Do something for somebody else
often comes when there is a vacuum. Your life feels like a house
without furniture when there's no one to share it with. Even with all
the social media networks available, dealing with loneliness is still
seeking how to gain acceptance and intimacy, seek to give it. There’s
always someone who needs you or something you can do. Pray that you may
be an instrument of God’s peace that where there is loneliness you may
Test the promise, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35)
- Remember that God has not forgotten you
Elliot, an influental author and speaker, spent her college years
dealing with loneliness. She wrote an excellent book called “Passion and
Purity”. On page 64 she shares an impacting analogy called “The Holding Pattern.”
of us who travel by air have experienced this. The flight is nearly
over, the plane has begun its decent toward the city of destination when
you feel it pull up again, bank, and begin to circle. An announcement
comes over the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your
captain speaking. Due to heavy incoming traffic, the tower has assigned
us a holding pattern” People groan. Babies cry.
"You see the
same scenery you saw fifteen minutes ago. You think of the person
waiting for you at the airport. You look at your watch and try to figure
out what will happen if you don’t make your connection or appointment.
You hope the captain will tell you exactly how long it will be before
landing. How long is this circling going to go on?
"S.D Gordon in his Quiet Talks on Prayer” describe waiting. It means:
Steadfastness - that is holding on
Patience - that is holding back
Expectancy - that is holding the face up
Obedience - that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do
Listening - that is holding quiet and still so as to hear
How long Lord, must I wait?
Never mind child. Trust me."
you willing to commit to God your loneliness and have him make this
time and experience in your life one that will glorify Him? Rom 5:3-5
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that
tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience,
hope: And hope maketh not ashamed…
In this verse, what is it that works the patience? It’s not the tribulations that works the patience, but the glorying in tribulation
that makes the difference. Dealing with loneliness can become a season
of character growth that will edify you for the rest of your life.
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