Dealing with loneliness when you're single
can become a blessing

Do you feel like you’re constantly dealing with loneliness?

Your best friends are planning their weddings, family and people at church are trying to play match-maker and your own brain won’t stop nagging you that maybe there’s something wrong with you because you haven’t found someone.

Or maybe you’ve recently broken up or went through a devastating divorce. Envy, self pity and loneliness like to pitch their camp right on your bed. 

Is loneliness wrong? Absolutely not! Many godly Bible characters felt lonely. You’re in company with Bible celebrities like Jesus, Moses, Elijah and Paul!

Your desires are a good and perfect gift from God – totally natural. BUT - They must be restrained, controlled, corrected, and even crucified that they might be reborn in power and purity for God. It’s what you do with it that counts!

What should I do when I feel lonely?

  1. Be still and know that He is God

    (Ps 46:10) – Get to know God! Don’t waste your singleness. “Wherever you are, be all there.” And “Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”

    Here’s an example: Mark and Holly break up. Mark begins putting his profile onto dating websites, writing melancholy songs, stops having devotions, sleeps longer and eats less. He nurses his sadness and feeds his self pity to deal with loneliness. Holly uses her extra time reading her Bible, practicing her guitar, doing homework and making new friends.  She exercises her will to cultivate a closer walk with God and be a blessing to others.

    Make Psalm 73:25 your motto “Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon the earth that I desire beside thee.” Learn how to let God be your most intimate friend.

  2. Give thanks

    Is it dishonest to thank God when you don’t really feel like it? Is it lying to Him when you say, “I’ll do your will” when your heart tells you that you really want something else?” NO.

    It’s called “obedience” and it’s a response of love toward God. Love is an action or principle, not a feeling. Is it hypocrisy to go to work when you don’t feel like it? No, it’s called being responsible!

    When you are dealing with loneliness remember 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” See also 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

  3. Refuse self-pity

    Dealing with loneliness can become a tremendous catalyst for identifying with Christ and meditating on what He went through for you. "I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me.  (Isa. 63:3)

    Let the memory of what Christ has endured for you silence every murmuring thought. We are treated better than our Lord. "Seekest thou great things for thyself? seek them not." Jeremiah 45:5. The Lord has no place in His work for those who have a greater desire to win the crown than to bear the cross.

    Christ has already carried your griefs and sorrows (Isaiah 53:4) so don’t carry them in vain. Meditate on Psalm 16:8, 11 “I have set the Lord always before me: because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved….in Your presence is fullness of joy.”

  4. Offer up your loneliness to God

    As the little boy offered Jesus his 5 loaves and 2 fishes, God can transform your loneliness for the good of others (Matt 14:19-20).

    When dealing with loneliness many would like to claim Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit your way unto the Lord; trust also in Him and he shall bring it to pass” 

    The question is what is “it”? Many of us would like it to mean “marriage” but in doing this we must accept whatever God’s will is for us, even if it means a lifetime of singleness. The thing particularly referred to here, as appears from the next verse, is reputation or character. “he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light”. When you commit your way to the Lord and trust in him, delighting yourself in Him, he will secure a happy result for you.

  5. Do something for somebody else 

    Loneliness often comes when there is a vacuum. Your life feels like a house without furniture when there's no one to share it with. Even with all the social media networks available, dealing with loneliness is still commonplace.

    Instead of seeking how to gain acceptance and intimacy, seek to give it. There’s always someone who needs you or something you can do. Pray that you may be an instrument of God’s peace that where there is loneliness you may bring joy.

    Test the promise, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35)

  6. Remember that God has not forgotten you

    Elisabeth Elliot, an influental author and speaker, spent her college years dealing with loneliness. She wrote an excellent book called “Passion and Purity”. On page 64 she shares an impacting analogy called “The Holding Pattern.”

    “Most of us who travel by air have experienced this. The flight is nearly over, the plane has begun its decent toward the city of destination when you feel it pull up again, bank, and begin to circle. An announcement comes over the intercom. 

    “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Due to heavy incoming traffic, the tower has assigned us a holding pattern” People groan. Babies cry.

    "You see the same scenery you saw fifteen minutes ago. You think of the person waiting for you at the airport. You look at your watch and try to figure out what will happen if you don’t make your connection or appointment. You hope the captain will tell you exactly how long it will be before landing. How long is this circling going to go on?

    "S.D Gordon in his Quiet Talks on Prayer” describe waiting. It means:

    Steadfastness - that is holding on
    Patience - that is holding back
    Expectancy - that is holding the face up
    Obedience - that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do
    Listening - that is holding quiet and still so as to hear
    How long Lord, must I wait?
    Never mind child. Trust me."

Are you willing to commit to God your loneliness and have him make this time and experience in your life one that will glorify Him? Rom 5:3-5   And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed…

In this verse, what is it that works the patience? It’s not the tribulations that works the patience, but the glorying in tribulation that makes the difference. Dealing with loneliness can become a season of character growth that will edify you for the rest of your life.

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