I'm Bored In My Relationship
Is that normal or a red flag?

Photo Credit: Kaylee Green, aspiring photographer.

Have you said to yourself, "I'm bored in my relationship"? Are you wondering if that is normal or something to be concerned about?

The question is why. There are several possibilities for why you might be saying "I'm bored in my relationship" and what to do about it. 

1. You're taking the relationship for granted

Most relationships start with excitement and exploration but it's not uncommon for it to transition at some point to familiarity and routine. At some point, you realize that spending hours on the phone every night or being together every possible opportunity is not practical so you stop making the relationship a priority.

Coming up with new and adventurous things to do together consumes energy so you go to your default options. You are comfortable with each other so you've stopped trying to impress each other. You feel like you know each other so well that you've stopped asking questions and exploring deeper into their interests and personalities.

You may have gotten lazy. 

This happens even in marriage which is why it's important for couples to have "date nights" or go on vacation. Everyone needs to tap into their creativity and seek to spice things up every now and again.

If this is the case, try to really learn about your partner.

  • Ask questions that draw out something new and interesting about them
  • Create a gift for them.
  • Write something poetic or put together a CD of meaningful songs between the two of you
  • Go somewhere together you've never been before.

Saying "I'm bored in my relationship" could be a blame shifting response for a self-centered mind set. Are you thinking about what you are getting out of the relationship or how you can give to make your partner truly fulfilled?  Which leads to then next possibility....

2. You have unrealistic expectations

Discontentment comes naturally as a sinner and it could be a reminder to draw closer to God and develop a greater degree of contentment.

Look at the patterns in your life.

  • Are you prone to grumble? 

  • Do you get easily bored in other areas? (School, work, other friendships?)

  • Do you start projects you don't finish?

  • Do you read books from cover to cover or get bored and move on to another book? 

  • Do you watch movies, play video games or view porn regularly? If so, it's likely that you have developed an unrealistic expectation of excitement that nobody on earth can match in real life. 

  • If you have had a history of relationship hopping (or crushing) it could be more of an indicator of your own need to be a person that follows through and develops contentment and perseverance when things feel slow and you start saying "I'm bored in my relationship."

3. You are incompatible or would be more compatible with someone else

You may do better with a different personality type, but you have to weigh the opportunity costs. Many traits do not often co-exist. For example, people who take risks are going to be more "interesting." But, they may also come across as less responsible or stable. They often are either rich or just scraping by financially (because they have spent it travelling, investing in some business venture, hobby, class or technology gadget). Someone who is creative, ambitious, and dreams of places to go and things to do is very captivating with interesting stories to tell but may not have the same stable loyalty and depth that you admire in someone else. It may be time to re-evaluate what you really want in a mate!

Explore areas in your personalities such as 

  • Intelligence - People have various types of intelligence (analytic, intuitive, thinker, feeler) as well as various degrees of intelligence. Respecting the WAY someone thinks is so important for communication and mutual understanding. Both of you should take the Meyers and Briggs personality test! It’s very enlightening!

  • Ambition - If one person is ambitious and the other likes to "take it easy" it can feel like you're swimming with weights on. Find someone with the same dreams and ambition to meet them!

  • Verbal intimacy - Do you need someone to "bounce ideas off of" or do you mull it over in your brain first and then say things in a concise, accurate way the first time around? How much do you need to talk to feel connected?

  • Energy Level - After you've worked a full week, do you want to veg out at home in your pajamas and organize your house/garage or go on a back packing/camping trip and hike 15 miles? Is a Saturday night best spent playing with the cat at home drinking tea or going to a concert down town? Is your home a stopping grounds for family and friends or a fortress for your own sanity? 

So the answer to the question "I'm bored in my relationship: Is it normal or a red flag?"is....IT DEPENDS.

To say, "I'm bored in my relationship" might be normal, and you might need to see it as a warning. Talk about it with your partner and see if it's mutual and try to analyze the root issue for it.

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