7 Marriage Myths
that should be corrected in courtship

Marriage myths abound and should be discovered and corrected in courtship. If there is one thing that will destroy a marriage, it's unrealistic expectations.

The funny thing about expectations is that we sometimes don't even realize we have them. They have been bred into us somewhat subliminally through the example of our own parents or the osmosis of the media.

Let's take a look at some of the most common marriage myths and correct them.

Marriage Myth #1 - Marriage is the attainment of perfect bliss

Truth - It's actually hard work. It takes a lot of humility, self denial, interdependency, and communication. You never see that part in the "happily ever after" fairy tale endings. A lot of couples don't anticipate the conflicts that may arise in marriage and become defensive, selfish, judgmental and bitter. They find out too late that their spouse is not who they thought they were and marriage is nothing like they hoped it would be. Why? They blindly rushed into things instead of prayerfully and studiously preparing for marriage.

Don't get me wrong. Marriage can be quite blissful. If you enter into marriage with calm reason and sound judgment instead of sentimental feelings or impulse you will have greater chances of a happy marriage. This is possible when both parties are committed to working for it.

Marriage Myth #2 - My marriage will be different

Truth - Unless you do something radically different than the rest of the world, why should you believe that you will not be disappointed like so many others? I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

"Aspirations for eminence will not avail. Young friends, the mountain top cannot be reached by standing still and wishing yourselves there...It is the energetic, persevering worker that will scale the Alps." (White, Sons and Daughters of God, 333)

Like marriage myth #1, a blissful marriage doesn't just happen naturally. You have to make it happen. When you get two sinners living under one roof, you must understand the power of grace if you want your marriage to be different than the rest of the world. A book that is helpful to understand this concept is called, "When Sinners Say I Do" by Dave Harvey.

Marriage Myth #3 - The only question to settle is "do we love each other"?

Truth - All you need is love, right? So say the Beetles. Well, you actually have a greater responsibility to consider when it comes to deciding if you should get married.

You must consider the future generations that are dependent upon you. If you were to have kids, would they have physical health and mental and moral strength? As you choose your spouse, you must be confident that you and your spouse will be able to pass on to your children a healthy body, a sound mind and strong values.

As a result, your whole family can be a blessing to society and be honoring to God.

Marriage Myth #4 - God will lead me to my "soul-mate"

Truth - Most people think God has chosen one marriage partner for each person. However, the Bible shows us that God's choice of a spouse is directly related to our level of spiritual maturity. There are likely to be multiple people through the course of your life you would be happy with.

Take for example Samson. He was not very spiritual when he went to the heathen camp and saw a Philistine woman. Being an Israelite, he should not have married her but Scripture says in Judges 14:4 that it was "of the Lord." God used this relationship to discipline Samson and the nation.

Based on this fact, it would be wise for you to become as spiritually mature as you can before thinking about marriage. What you look for when you are immature will not attract you when you are mature.

Marriage Myth #5 - "We know each other so well!"

Truth - Did you know there are actually 6 people who get married on the wedding day?

1. Who the groom thinks he is
2. Who the bride thinks the groom is
3. Who the bride thinks she is
4. Who the groom thinks the bride is
5. Who the groom really is
6. Who the bride really is

While it's better to be confident of the character of your fiance, you must anticipate the reality that you will discover shocking truths about yourselves and each other, usually in the first year. This is the most critical time of all.

The happiness and usefulness of your whole life depend on taking a right course then. Why? Because you will discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects as well as excellencies that were impossible to learn while in courtship or engagement.

The key to success is to discover the positive rather than the negative in their character. It has been wisely observed that most girls are “wearing rose colored glasses” before they get married and after marriage they trade them in for magnifying glasses. Just the reverse order ought to take place.

Marriage Myth #6 - During the honeymoon we become "one flesh"

Truth - You may have had enjoyable sex, experiencing an intimacy like nothing else, but the "one flesh" experiences comes from "leaving your father and mother" and "cleaving" to your spouse. This happens as much in the mind and heart as it does in the physical sense. Being "one flesh" refers to the harmony a couple has in their relationship as they learn how to blend together without losing their individuality. The honeymoon began the process of becoming "one flesh", enrolling you in a school from which you will never graduate in this life.

Marriage Myth #7 - You will never have challenges as a couple

Truth As compatible as you may be, 1 Corinthians 7:28 says, "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." NIV

Don't be surprised when you find yourselves in conflict. You may be tempted to think you've married the wrong person, but it is not true. You are totally in harmony with the Word of God! Just patiently, with God's grace and a humble heart work through it. A wise old woman once said, "If pride and selfishness were laid aside, five minutes would remove most difficulties."

Read more to learn how to have oneness in marriage.

I'm sure there are more marriage myths. Those are some marriage myths that really affect expectations. Are there some expectations that you aren't sure if they are marriage myths or not? I'd love to hear them. Please leave them below